Sorry about the delay in posting a new blog. We've been busy little people at Chez West. School started back up for me, and with the work load that they give me, I haven't really even thought about typing on this lappity-toppity box. So, I'll try to make it a JUMBO SUPER SIZED BLOG!!! sunday, SUNday, SUNDAY!!!! You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need THE EDGE!!!
Grr for 2 speeches in less than 2 weeks. But, on to the fun stuff: Baby talk!
This weekend, Carly, myself and Carly's mom decided that it was time to start the registries. And by "we decided" I of course mean, "Carly told me to get in the car and drive where she wanted me to". So, off we go to the bustling metropolis of Omaha, NE, or as we call it, "The City".
Our adventure started by trying to find a Babies 'R US (subtle hint: we registered there!). After a stop at a Toys 'R Us just outside the city, (since, you know, Babies Toys what's the difference?) , we found our destination. It took us a few tries of course, but we got there. To another Toys 'R Us. With baby stuff in it. Then the magic began. We got our little scanner gun and I just lit up like a Christmas tree! I get to play with a laser gun! Pew! Pew! PEW!
No such luck it seems.
Spoil sport...
Anyway, as Carly makes a quick pit stop before the hardcore scanning that SHE's about to do... not me... (although I did check out the Terminator: Salvation action figures and WTH? I thought the movie was R rated. Why are there KIDS toys for a R rated movie? And when did I become so old?!?! GET OFF MY LAWN!) We perused the baby isle.
Then my head started to explode.
You have to clip a baby's nails?!?! Really?!? Never in my entire life did I ever even consider that you had to do that. Yes, I'm dense and stop making that face. You'll freeze that way. We played the "Who can find the most disgusting and unappealing baby food flavor" game, (Carly won by the way) and debated over play pens and burp cloths and what not. Then, we got to the strollers. And boy, was I happy. I get to push the little tyke around in a tricked out, slammin', pimped ride with hydraulics and spinners and neon flashing at the bottom with a 5000000000000 watt subwoofer.
Ok, so it's got suspension on it to cushion the baby. Just give me my fantasy for 5 minutes, ok?
Then... the socks. You see, it's not the big things that concern me about this whole thing. Paying for the delivery or affording diapers and going to school, working late to make ends meet and sacrificing almost everything I have to give, just so my daughter can have the best life possible. None of these phase me in the least. Because Carly and I will get through it together.
No. It's the small things that get me. Her socks are so wee and cute. Holy cow! She's going to wear socks. And I'll have to clip her toenails....
*BOOM*
Head explosion....
Seriously. I had a headache the rest of the day.
Then, more fumbling about trying to find Target (subtle hint!!!). The madness continued there with clothes and bed sheets for the crib and no laser gun action for the daddy. And quite possibly the best insult that my wife has ever thrown out. Yes, even better than Noseface. How about, "Butt Wipe Warmer". Yes, it's a real thing that actually warms your butt wipes before you use them on your baby. But, I wasn't paying attention to her since I was driving at the time, trying to find Target and I thought she was talking to her mother. "What did you just call me?", said I. "I didn't call you anything, I want to put a butt wipe warmer on the registry.", she says.
I died laughing. And now, our favorite insult is Butt Wipe Warmer(tm).
It's amazing what my wife can do even if she doesn't try.
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Out of all of us cousins, I think you're going to be the best parent. Baby Girl West won the family lottery, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteJon, you should have snuck in a few random items at Toys R Us. I would totally buy you...er...Baby...a Christian Bale action figure.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know how many memories this brought back. And Carly, you are a lucky woman! I wanted a baby wipe warmer but no! My husband wouldn't even let me buy one at a consignment sale! My son had to endure cold cold wipes. So I am glad your baby will not have to endure that!
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky because as far as Jon's concerned, anything that I tell him is necessary is completely necessary. I'm not saying he's not smart or even gullible, I just have the advantage of ignorance.
ReplyDeleteSara: I came very close to putting an Xbox 360 on the list. You know, to bookend our wedding registry. And, it would be a bonding exercise for me and the baby... that's the ticket. I do know that a butt wipe warmer is a little frivolous, but if it means my baby girl's not going to have a cold butt, so be it! Make it so! Just a side note, but Terminators are machines. They don't salivate. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure it's frivolous...nobody likes a chilly fanny!
ReplyDeleteHm...I also have this theory: cold sheets wake babies up like nothing else. Maybe a small heating blanket (for later, when she's in a crib), which you can put on low on the bed, then whisk away a few minutes before putting her down? Don't know, of course, if that's medically sound, but it seems smart to me. Going from mommy/daddy with the warm body/arms to freezing bed sheets always seemed the recipe to awake, screaming baby. At least, uh, that's what my parents told me *I* did. For...a long time. Anyhoo!
ReplyDeleteI think you're going to be marvy parents. :)
(Btw, I'm a girl, and I watched the cartoon Transformers, G.I. Joe, and He-Man in add'n to My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, etc. And I'm still a girly girl. So...can we get her a little something rad, in add'n? *hopeful smile*)