Doggy Medication

Ahhh, the Fourth of July.

Our Independence Day.

The day we celebrate our nation's birth by searing dead animals and blowing things up. It's the last part that makes the holiday so rough around Chez West. Our wonderful dog Lily, who is just the best thing since bread decided to come to my house in evenly distributed pieces, is afraid of loud noises, like bangs or thunderclaps.

Which is all we get this time of year. So, when we recently went to the vet to have her semi-whenever-we-remember check up, we asked the vet about how we can calm her down.

During the check up, she was subjected to all sorts of humiliations. And if it's any indication as to how I'm going to be as a father, the answer is: not so great. I felt uncomfortable as he took her temperature. I couldn't watch as he gave her her vaccinations. I cringed as he took a blood sample. I was on edge as the heartworm test came back (negative, thank goodness). I almost fell asleep as the vet spoke to us in one of the most monotone voices I've ever heard. And this is a dog, for crying out loud, not even a human! Not even my daughter!

He gave us some pills to give to her whenever we think she's going to have a rough night. Some doggy downers if you will. She took one last night. It was heartbreaking. The poor dog had no light in her eyes, she stumbled around, and could barely keep her head up. It broke my heart. But, on the bright side, I did get to try out my "stoned Lily" voice. Oh, yes, the dog talks to us.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the passing of an icon. His performances enthralled millions and brought joy to their hearts. He was underappreciated in my opinion for most of his career, but his ability and passion was never questioned. His work defined a generation.

And it's with a heavy heart, that this blog post is dedicated to him.

An Ode to Billy Mays:

Your yelling made it easy
For us to get to know
The wonderful magic
That is Orange-Glo.

30 second spots
Gave us time to glean,
All the stain fighting power
Of Oxi-Clean

But that short time here
gave us little room
to judge for ourselves
the strength of Kaboom

So, goodnight, Billy Mays
Your passing left our hearts rended,
But, we can fix it
With a dab of Mighty Mendit.