Whew! Has it really been one year since I came into this world? It's been quite a ride. Let's take a look back, shall we? If you're still reading, then let's go!
One year ago today, I was resting comfortably in my wroom (womb room) grading some papers from my Baby Studies class at Harvard, when suddenly INS (calling himself Dr. Burke) comes busting in and deports me into the outside world. Side note, I left some of my papers in my wroom. The students were understandably upset, but not so much as my mom will be in a few years. Sorry, Mom.
It's so hard to believe that this time last year I was introduced to the two people that have made the biggest difference in my life. Without them, I would not be the man I am today, what with my Ph.D. , professorship at Harvard, living large with my big house, five cars, I'm in charge, comin' up in the world, don't trust nobody, gotta look over your shoulder constantly... Sorry, just flew into some Cypress Hill there.
I'm talking about the two most important people in my life to date. Yes, Hall and Oats, your dulcet tones and heartfelt lyrics have gotten me through many a night when my teeth were hurting. Your private eyes are watching me indeed.
But, I would be remiss if I did not mention the other two that have meant so much, Badger-face and Mommy. I love those two guys, and to tell the truth, I think I'm finally getting around to learning their proper names. I had Mommy right, but I think that Badger-face is called "Daddy". I've started saying it around the house and every time I do, the furry one points to himself. So, either his name is Daddy or he has some weird tic that makes him do that every time anyone says Daddy. Like the Pillsbury Dough Boy and his stomach. Or Dan Foglelburg and his awesomeness.
Next, the long difficult road to self-mobility. First, it was rolling around on my back like a turtle, which moved into doing push-ups (not just for mobility, but to stay beefy), then army crawling, and now full-fledged crawling! Not sure where to go from there, but as I see at work with the other kids, it looks like walking may be the next big thing.
A few more teeth have popped up. Hasn't seemed that long ago that I was eating liquid fruit and veggies. Now, I can chew and have moved up to real big boy meals! Long nights and cranky days for me!
Well, I'm tired and I do have work tomorrow. So, I'll close for the evening, but fear not:
Coming soon: Part 2 of my retrospective on my first year!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Unfunny update time!
I realize I'm not as funny as either Jack or Badger-face, but I am a mommy, and that means I have this uncontrollable urge to tell everyone everything I can about my kid. Since Jon and Jack are falling down on the job, I'm going to pick up some of the slack and let y'all know what's been happening around here.
Jack is doing wonderfully. He's mastered the delicate art of army crawling, and is getting into all sorts of mischief. I didn't tell Jon, but he got into the book case and managed to tear a page out of one of Jon's favorite books. It seems that if there's something he's not supposed to get into, he makes a beeline for it, and doesn't give up, even if you drag him back to his toys time after time after time after time... He's a tenacious little bugger. Also, even though he has all of these toys all over the place (and I really do mean ALL OVER THE PLACE), he's completely uninterested. His favorite plaything so far? An empty 7-up bottle.
Lily has mostly gotten over her last bout of seizures. We've changed vets, and I think we found a pretty good fit. She's gotten really clingy, though, and has growled at Jack a few times. We're working on teaching her to walk away, and I think it's starting to work.
I've become a bit obsessed with fixing up/decorating the house. I think I'd be less obsessed if I actually had the funds to carry through with the ideas I have, because all I can do at this point is think about it.
Jon got us a Wii Fit, and I think it's actually doing us some good! Hooray! Of course, Jon is losing about twice as much weight as I am, and I think it's partially because he doesn't really care much about how he looks, and just like with everything, if you want it too much, you don't get it. Awesome!
I think that's all. I'm hoping the "Christmas Update Letter" feel of this post will light a fire under someone and the next post will be from someone funnier than me!
That's all I can think of for now.
Jack is doing wonderfully. He's mastered the delicate art of army crawling, and is getting into all sorts of mischief. I didn't tell Jon, but he got into the book case and managed to tear a page out of one of Jon's favorite books. It seems that if there's something he's not supposed to get into, he makes a beeline for it, and doesn't give up, even if you drag him back to his toys time after time after time after time... He's a tenacious little bugger. Also, even though he has all of these toys all over the place (and I really do mean ALL OVER THE PLACE), he's completely uninterested. His favorite plaything so far? An empty 7-up bottle.
Lily has mostly gotten over her last bout of seizures. We've changed vets, and I think we found a pretty good fit. She's gotten really clingy, though, and has growled at Jack a few times. We're working on teaching her to walk away, and I think it's starting to work.
I've become a bit obsessed with fixing up/decorating the house. I think I'd be less obsessed if I actually had the funds to carry through with the ideas I have, because all I can do at this point is think about it.
Jon got us a Wii Fit, and I think it's actually doing us some good! Hooray! Of course, Jon is losing about twice as much weight as I am, and I think it's partially because he doesn't really care much about how he looks, and just like with everything, if you want it too much, you don't get it. Awesome!
I think that's all. I'm hoping the "Christmas Update Letter" feel of this post will light a fire under someone and the next post will be from someone funnier than me!
That's all I can think of for now.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Just when you thought it was safe to blog...
You're not getting any old blog this time; no sir, or madam, or pan-dimensional unisex being!
I've got the computer back from Badger-face!
I know he promised that he'd write a two parter. But, let's face it, the guy is boring. He has no pizazz or panache! Now, me, on the other hand...
I have started to become more independent of the hairy guy. It all started when Mommy gave me some small, tasty treats that she called "puffs". I have now mastered the art of picking up these puffs and placing them in my mouth. They have this taste about them of blueberries one day, then sweet potato the next. It's like they are magical! I prefer the blueberry ones personally, but I take what I can get.
Mommy decided that she needed some "time off" this last weekend. Mostly, she needed to get away from Badger-face, and I can understand that. The guy does insist upon himself.
And he smells like bad meat or good cheese most of the time.
So, she and Aunt Sara M and Aunt Laura went to some place called Kirksville this weekend. Most importantly, Aunt Laura made for me some awesome hats! She made me a Viking helmet hat (for looting and pillaging the local thatched roof cottages), a purple strawberry hat (because everyone needs one), and a red devil horn hat (for when Judas Priest comes to town). This moves Aunt Laura up to the top of the Awesome Aunt list.
Your move, other Aunts...
The girls watched a movie called "Cabin Fever" the night before they left. I didn't get to see it, since I was asleep, but I think it is an ode to someone's love of pancakes. The next morning, once Daddy loaded up the car with what seemed like 400 crates of Mommy's "courage juice", we waved goodbye to the girls and began what Daddy called:
The Bachelor's weekend...
It began innocently enough. Daddy and I played around on the floor for a bit, and, in a related story, I'm now able to scooch along on the floor! This means that Doris is getting less and less use as I am now able to terrorize the dog on my own terms. That and explore every single nook and cranny in this entire house. It makes Mommy and Badger-face so pleased.
Anyway, then, the hairy guy then introduced me to the best show I've ever seen. (Yes, better than Battlestar Galactica.) It's about this guy that travels around the a big blue box and helps people. Now, while this may sound like he spiked my bottle with Dimetapp, he tells me that this show is called "Doctor Who". I watched quite a lot of those shows over the weekend since I am now sitting up on my own (another bid to escape him and his hirsute face), and it's a fun show! (he paid me a lot of blueberry puffs to say that. I might be a bit brainwashed.)
Now, he watched these shows by waving this wand around and pointing it at the TV. He did this frequently throughout the weekend. My favorite part of this was when he did this and the little man on the TV hit the ball with the stick. He told me that he was playing "golf", but he looked like a whale that had had a few rough weeks in the ocean and decided to beach himself in order to escape his creditors.
Once they got back and things started to return to what we call normal around here, my parents decided that it was hot enough to go to this place that has lots of water and people splashing around in it in not a lot of clothes. So, they put me into this weird suit that clings to me and this balloon that acts much like Doris. Except there were no dogs to attack.
Then, we got into the water. Oh, My, Goodness. This was the most amazing experience that I have had in my life. I splished. I splashed. It was similar to taking a bath, but without the soap or the nakedness. Then, two really awesome things happened.
We were in the area designated for little kids (I know this because there were nothing but other kids around us and their mommies, but none of them had an awesome floaty thingy. This might be the shallow end of the gene pool that daddy keeps talking about), when all of the sudden from out of nowhere, this green ball flies in and smacks Badger-face right in his... badger... face.
Now, I am above slap-stick humor. It is for the hoy palloy. Also, I love my daddy, no matter what I may say about him on here. But, in this instance, it was downright hysterical. Just, "POW!" right in the kisser. No warning, no nothing.
The second thing that happened was after we got out of the pool. We were drying off, and these two older kids were right next to us. They were horsing around and snapping towels at one another. Well, daddy was holding me on his left side and one of the kids hit him on his right side. Then something happened that changed my perception of Mommy forever.
She went into total Momma Bear Mode.
With a withering gaze and an icy voice, she told the kid, "if you hit my family again, we are going to have some problems." Now, I don't care if you are the toughest biker/bounty hunter/police officer/Army Ranger/Lone Ranger/Time Lord out there, if you get hit with that basilisk gaze and freezing tone, you will stop what you are doing, re-evaluate your relationship with your chosen deity (or, if you are a atheist, pick one to have a relationship with), and put your mother's phone number on speed dial, because you have looked into the face of your own mortality.
Needless to say, the kids backed off. And I learned a valuable lesson there: Don't mess with Mommy.
I've got the computer back from Badger-face!
I know he promised that he'd write a two parter. But, let's face it, the guy is boring. He has no pizazz or panache! Now, me, on the other hand...
I have started to become more independent of the hairy guy. It all started when Mommy gave me some small, tasty treats that she called "puffs". I have now mastered the art of picking up these puffs and placing them in my mouth. They have this taste about them of blueberries one day, then sweet potato the next. It's like they are magical! I prefer the blueberry ones personally, but I take what I can get.
Mommy decided that she needed some "time off" this last weekend. Mostly, she needed to get away from Badger-face, and I can understand that. The guy does insist upon himself.
And he smells like bad meat or good cheese most of the time.
So, she and Aunt Sara M and Aunt Laura went to some place called Kirksville this weekend. Most importantly, Aunt Laura made for me some awesome hats! She made me a Viking helmet hat (for looting and pillaging the local thatched roof cottages), a purple strawberry hat (because everyone needs one), and a red devil horn hat (for when Judas Priest comes to town). This moves Aunt Laura up to the top of the Awesome Aunt list.
Your move, other Aunts...
The girls watched a movie called "Cabin Fever" the night before they left. I didn't get to see it, since I was asleep, but I think it is an ode to someone's love of pancakes. The next morning, once Daddy loaded up the car with what seemed like 400 crates of Mommy's "courage juice", we waved goodbye to the girls and began what Daddy called:
The Bachelor's weekend...
It began innocently enough. Daddy and I played around on the floor for a bit, and, in a related story, I'm now able to scooch along on the floor! This means that Doris is getting less and less use as I am now able to terrorize the dog on my own terms. That and explore every single nook and cranny in this entire house. It makes Mommy and Badger-face so pleased.
Anyway, then, the hairy guy then introduced me to the best show I've ever seen. (Yes, better than Battlestar Galactica.) It's about this guy that travels around the a big blue box and helps people. Now, while this may sound like he spiked my bottle with Dimetapp, he tells me that this show is called "Doctor Who". I watched quite a lot of those shows over the weekend since I am now sitting up on my own (another bid to escape him and his hirsute face), and it's a fun show! (he paid me a lot of blueberry puffs to say that. I might be a bit brainwashed.)
Now, he watched these shows by waving this wand around and pointing it at the TV. He did this frequently throughout the weekend. My favorite part of this was when he did this and the little man on the TV hit the ball with the stick. He told me that he was playing "golf", but he looked like a whale that had had a few rough weeks in the ocean and decided to beach himself in order to escape his creditors.
Once they got back and things started to return to what we call normal around here, my parents decided that it was hot enough to go to this place that has lots of water and people splashing around in it in not a lot of clothes. So, they put me into this weird suit that clings to me and this balloon that acts much like Doris. Except there were no dogs to attack.
Then, we got into the water. Oh, My, Goodness. This was the most amazing experience that I have had in my life. I splished. I splashed. It was similar to taking a bath, but without the soap or the nakedness. Then, two really awesome things happened.
We were in the area designated for little kids (I know this because there were nothing but other kids around us and their mommies, but none of them had an awesome floaty thingy. This might be the shallow end of the gene pool that daddy keeps talking about), when all of the sudden from out of nowhere, this green ball flies in and smacks Badger-face right in his... badger... face.
Now, I am above slap-stick humor. It is for the hoy palloy. Also, I love my daddy, no matter what I may say about him on here. But, in this instance, it was downright hysterical. Just, "POW!" right in the kisser. No warning, no nothing.
The second thing that happened was after we got out of the pool. We were drying off, and these two older kids were right next to us. They were horsing around and snapping towels at one another. Well, daddy was holding me on his left side and one of the kids hit him on his right side. Then something happened that changed my perception of Mommy forever.
She went into total Momma Bear Mode.
With a withering gaze and an icy voice, she told the kid, "if you hit my family again, we are going to have some problems." Now, I don't care if you are the toughest biker/bounty hunter/police officer/Army Ranger/Lone Ranger/Time Lord out there, if you get hit with that basilisk gaze and freezing tone, you will stop what you are doing, re-evaluate your relationship with your chosen deity (or, if you are a atheist, pick one to have a relationship with), and put your mother's phone number on speed dial, because you have looked into the face of your own mortality.
Needless to say, the kids backed off. And I learned a valuable lesson there: Don't mess with Mommy.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Finally got my computer back...
Now that Jack is asleep, I figured that it was a good time to update both of you readers on the:
STATE OF THE WEST HOUSEHOLD!
ahem...
First, we've been making the house all spiffy-like in anticipation of house guests. You see, our house was built in the 60's. So far all I can gather is that there is some sort of space-time bubble that has kept this house in the exact same state it was built in for the past 50 years. Either that, or the previous owners were older and unable to update it.
That Occam guy doesn't know what he's talking about. It's clearly the bubble thing.
The short time frame for the renovation combined with the fact that I'm a cheap bastard means that we've had to find alternative ways to make the house all fancified. Instead of getting a whole new counter top in the kitchen (which was a fantastic orange-red color before, much like the last gasp of a dying star right before it turns the first few planets in a solar system into crispy jerky), we decided instead to paint it. Now, it's a nice gray color that really sets off my eyes. And the kitchen...
Next, we tackled the bathtub. It was a wonderful green color that oddly resembled pea soup. Linda Blair pea soup. When she was in The Exorcist...? You haven't seen it? Really? Go rent it. Or get it from Netflix. With that download service they have. Seriously. That movie will freak your stuff out. Wow, you are lame...
Anyway, pea soup green bathtub. As the Cheap Monster reared its head, we decided to buy a paint specifically made for bathtubs. Yes, bathtub paint. They make it. And it seems to work pretty well. But, since the bathtub is located in the center of the house, with no windows, one small door and poor ventilation, I now know what the color green tastes like.
Oddly, it doesn't taste anything like pea soup.
Next up is the railing on the front porch, which has been chipping and peeling. Carly's been scraping and sanding and thinning it as much as she can, but it looks like we might just have to buy new a new railing. Or torch the house. Whatever.
Second, since I'm tired of blogging for now, I'll make this a two part blog. Yes, something to look forward to. I know it's exciting, but settle down both of you.
STATE OF THE WEST HOUSEHOLD!
ahem...
First, we've been making the house all spiffy-like in anticipation of house guests. You see, our house was built in the 60's. So far all I can gather is that there is some sort of space-time bubble that has kept this house in the exact same state it was built in for the past 50 years. Either that, or the previous owners were older and unable to update it.
That Occam guy doesn't know what he's talking about. It's clearly the bubble thing.
The short time frame for the renovation combined with the fact that I'm a cheap bastard means that we've had to find alternative ways to make the house all fancified. Instead of getting a whole new counter top in the kitchen (which was a fantastic orange-red color before, much like the last gasp of a dying star right before it turns the first few planets in a solar system into crispy jerky), we decided instead to paint it. Now, it's a nice gray color that really sets off my eyes. And the kitchen...
Next, we tackled the bathtub. It was a wonderful green color that oddly resembled pea soup. Linda Blair pea soup. When she was in The Exorcist...? You haven't seen it? Really? Go rent it. Or get it from Netflix. With that download service they have. Seriously. That movie will freak your stuff out. Wow, you are lame...
Anyway, pea soup green bathtub. As the Cheap Monster reared its head, we decided to buy a paint specifically made for bathtubs. Yes, bathtub paint. They make it. And it seems to work pretty well. But, since the bathtub is located in the center of the house, with no windows, one small door and poor ventilation, I now know what the color green tastes like.
Oddly, it doesn't taste anything like pea soup.
Next up is the railing on the front porch, which has been chipping and peeling. Carly's been scraping and sanding and thinning it as much as she can, but it looks like we might just have to buy new a new railing. Or torch the house. Whatever.
Second, since I'm tired of blogging for now, I'll make this a two part blog. Yes, something to look forward to. I know it's exciting, but settle down both of you.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Neptune Ain't Got Nothin' On Me!
Finally, the weather in whatever state we're in now has warmed up to the point that parkas have been put away and Mr. Sun has decided to make his appearance. So, Badger-face and Mommy pulled out this big inflatable raft that they filled with water, which seems to me to be contraindicated to its intended purpose. Then, they set me up with this sweet hat and a diaper that helps keep water out (again, contraindicated). I got into the raft and impressed both of my parents with my water treading ability.
Then we had to get out because I spit up a little into the pool water.
The bonus of all this is that Mommy managed to squirt Badger-face and the dog with my spit up water. It's always funny to see Daddy running around like a little girl.
Speaking of impressing those two, (easy, I know. Heck, I fart and they're impressed) I decided to throw them a bone this week. Mommy came into my room after my nap and, being the beefy guy that I am, pushed myself up onto my hands and knees, just to show off. She managed to take a picture of it to show Daddy and the two of them just guffawed. It's really cute when they get all excited like that...
Mommy's done with teaching school, which means she'll get to spend lots more time with me! I'm very excited about this as it means that I no longer have to go to work. Yes, I have a job. It mostly involves me keeping about 4 other kids entertained all day while Mommy and the Badger-face are at work or school or the mall or whatever it is they do all day. So, less work for me, except now I have to entertain Mommy all day. And Daddy all night. It's exhausting being a cute baby.
For now, they've left me at Grandma's house so they can run around "the city" and have a "date". I'm not sure why they couldn't take me with them if all they're going to do is eat small fruit, but whatever. It's nice over here.
Then we had to get out because I spit up a little into the pool water.
The bonus of all this is that Mommy managed to squirt Badger-face and the dog with my spit up water. It's always funny to see Daddy running around like a little girl.
Speaking of impressing those two, (easy, I know. Heck, I fart and they're impressed) I decided to throw them a bone this week. Mommy came into my room after my nap and, being the beefy guy that I am, pushed myself up onto my hands and knees, just to show off. She managed to take a picture of it to show Daddy and the two of them just guffawed. It's really cute when they get all excited like that...
Mommy's done with teaching school, which means she'll get to spend lots more time with me! I'm very excited about this as it means that I no longer have to go to work. Yes, I have a job. It mostly involves me keeping about 4 other kids entertained all day while Mommy and the Badger-face are at work or school or the mall or whatever it is they do all day. So, less work for me, except now I have to entertain Mommy all day. And Daddy all night. It's exhausting being a cute baby.
For now, they've left me at Grandma's house so they can run around "the city" and have a "date". I'm not sure why they couldn't take me with them if all they're going to do is eat small fruit, but whatever. It's nice over here.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It has begun...
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
I have begun the first steps toward my eventual take over of the Earth. Mind you, I don't normally have aspirations of world domination, but this week has been a busy one and my typical peaceful demeanor has changed a little.
For starters, mommy picked me up a fantastic device at something called a "garage sale". I assumed it would be called a garage, but, alas, no. She calls it a walker, and it has 4 wheels, a tray and is built like a rock. I have decided that this is no ordinary walker, but a tank. A massive quad-wheeled weapon of mass destruction that will make the world tremble in fear of my awesome unstoppable blitzkrieg!
I've named her Doris.
Currently, my operational theater is limited to sorties against the dog, but as she tries to steal my thunder anyway, I find it amusing. As the dog goes about her daily routine, sleeping, eating, begging daddy for food and walkings, I take it upon myself to try out the capabilities of my wheeled juggernaut by following her and trying to grab her. But, since the tray sticks out really far, I'll have to settle for just running her over with it.
Also, the tray has a lot of room for my toys.
My ire has been flared by the arrival of what my "parents" have called "diaper rash". And not just any diaper rash, but the diaper rash from Hades. It hurts a lot. We had to see the doctor for it and he gave them this thick stuff that they have to smear on my butt when they change my diaper. It's humiliating! And I do not appreciate it! If I didn't love them so much, I would be quite miffed at them. That, and my fanny hurts.
The plus side is that I made a new friend today at the hospital. He's a nice, fluffy stuffed red guy that the nice people at the hospital introduced to me. He comforted me during my time of woe and for that, he has earned my trust. I have decided to call him Augustus.
Bed time! Maybe tomorrow will be a better, less angry day...
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
I have begun the first steps toward my eventual take over of the Earth. Mind you, I don't normally have aspirations of world domination, but this week has been a busy one and my typical peaceful demeanor has changed a little.
For starters, mommy picked me up a fantastic device at something called a "garage sale". I assumed it would be called a garage, but, alas, no. She calls it a walker, and it has 4 wheels, a tray and is built like a rock. I have decided that this is no ordinary walker, but a tank. A massive quad-wheeled weapon of mass destruction that will make the world tremble in fear of my awesome unstoppable blitzkrieg!
I've named her Doris.
Currently, my operational theater is limited to sorties against the dog, but as she tries to steal my thunder anyway, I find it amusing. As the dog goes about her daily routine, sleeping, eating, begging daddy for food and walkings, I take it upon myself to try out the capabilities of my wheeled juggernaut by following her and trying to grab her. But, since the tray sticks out really far, I'll have to settle for just running her over with it.
Also, the tray has a lot of room for my toys.
My ire has been flared by the arrival of what my "parents" have called "diaper rash". And not just any diaper rash, but the diaper rash from Hades. It hurts a lot. We had to see the doctor for it and he gave them this thick stuff that they have to smear on my butt when they change my diaper. It's humiliating! And I do not appreciate it! If I didn't love them so much, I would be quite miffed at them. That, and my fanny hurts.
The plus side is that I made a new friend today at the hospital. He's a nice, fluffy stuffed red guy that the nice people at the hospital introduced to me. He comforted me during my time of woe and for that, he has earned my trust. I have decided to call him Augustus.
Bed time! Maybe tomorrow will be a better, less angry day...
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The Nerd is Strong With This One
Dear Blogophiles,
Yes, it's been a while since I or my "father" blogged. Let's just move on.
I've been very busy growing and getting more awesome everyday (I say humbly). I've moved up to real food! With a spoon and everything! My liquid diet wasn't giving me the carbs and protein that I needed to maintain my beefiness. So, I've had to bump up my eating regimen to include fruits and veggies. So far my favorites are peaches, squash, and avocado.
Also, I've begun doing crunches and turning over from belly to back and back to belly. It's a hard workout, but I've got to keep at my maximum beefcake level so I can beat daddy up when I get older.
And by "older" I mean in a few weeks.
All this beefing up has paid off, since I can also sit up almost all by myself. Soon, I'll be scooting along and then begging to use daddy's car, staying out until all hours and running with a bad crowd. At least, that's what mommy's books say I'm going to do if I don't watch my Baby Einstein DVD's.
Speaking of DVD's, mommy decided she needed something called a "me day" the other day. Apparently, this day involves mommy leaving me with the dead badger faced guy all day while she went to what daddy called "a tent revival that will turn into a goat sacrifice." Mommy keeps telling him that it's a lesson from some religious person. I'm not really sure what the "religion" stuff is except that church is a place to sleep for me and daddy.
But, when he left, daddy (after yelling "finally" at the top of his lungs) sat me down on the floor and decided to introduce me to a few of his favorite movies. Over the rest of the day, we watched a bunch of movies about aliens and spaceships and Sigourney Weaver. I really like her. Though what she's doing working beneath her talent in those movies is beyond me. I mostly didn't pay attention, though, since I was busy working out my new method of scientific inquiry.
My method involves 4 stages each more intensive than the last. It's a new way to look at the world around us and is guaranteed to revolutionize the scientific community. Here are the steps:
1. Observability. First, you find what you want to study, say, a bunch of plastic keys or a fistful of mommy's hair. Look at the object and ascertain it's distance from you.
2. Grabitude. Next, grab the object with your pincers and hold onto it for all your worth. For best results, try to grab something small and easily manipulable, like a fistful of mommy's hair.
3. Omnomability. Third, bring to your mouth and om nom it. Try to get as much of the object into your mouth as possible, pulling it there as hard as you can. Again, mommy's hair is excellent for this.
4. Throwination. Last, toss the object as hard as you can. This works best by tossing it away at the most inopportune moment. I've gotten very interesting data from flinging Mortimer out of my crib at night and then crying loudly since Mortimer has suddenly disappeared. It makes daddy very happy.
So, there. I've blogged again. Maybe, since daddy is moving into his summer schedule I can use his laptop a little more frequently to blog a bit more.
Yes, it's been a while since I or my "father" blogged. Let's just move on.
I've been very busy growing and getting more awesome everyday (I say humbly). I've moved up to real food! With a spoon and everything! My liquid diet wasn't giving me the carbs and protein that I needed to maintain my beefiness. So, I've had to bump up my eating regimen to include fruits and veggies. So far my favorites are peaches, squash, and avocado.
Also, I've begun doing crunches and turning over from belly to back and back to belly. It's a hard workout, but I've got to keep at my maximum beefcake level so I can beat daddy up when I get older.
And by "older" I mean in a few weeks.
All this beefing up has paid off, since I can also sit up almost all by myself. Soon, I'll be scooting along and then begging to use daddy's car, staying out until all hours and running with a bad crowd. At least, that's what mommy's books say I'm going to do if I don't watch my Baby Einstein DVD's.
Speaking of DVD's, mommy decided she needed something called a "me day" the other day. Apparently, this day involves mommy leaving me with the dead badger faced guy all day while she went to what daddy called "a tent revival that will turn into a goat sacrifice." Mommy keeps telling him that it's a lesson from some religious person. I'm not really sure what the "religion" stuff is except that church is a place to sleep for me and daddy.
But, when he left, daddy (after yelling "finally" at the top of his lungs) sat me down on the floor and decided to introduce me to a few of his favorite movies. Over the rest of the day, we watched a bunch of movies about aliens and spaceships and Sigourney Weaver. I really like her. Though what she's doing working beneath her talent in those movies is beyond me. I mostly didn't pay attention, though, since I was busy working out my new method of scientific inquiry.
My method involves 4 stages each more intensive than the last. It's a new way to look at the world around us and is guaranteed to revolutionize the scientific community. Here are the steps:
1. Observability. First, you find what you want to study, say, a bunch of plastic keys or a fistful of mommy's hair. Look at the object and ascertain it's distance from you.
2. Grabitude. Next, grab the object with your pincers and hold onto it for all your worth. For best results, try to grab something small and easily manipulable, like a fistful of mommy's hair.
3. Omnomability. Third, bring to your mouth and om nom it. Try to get as much of the object into your mouth as possible, pulling it there as hard as you can. Again, mommy's hair is excellent for this.
4. Throwination. Last, toss the object as hard as you can. This works best by tossing it away at the most inopportune moment. I've gotten very interesting data from flinging Mortimer out of my crib at night and then crying loudly since Mortimer has suddenly disappeared. It makes daddy very happy.
So, there. I've blogged again. Maybe, since daddy is moving into his summer schedule I can use his laptop a little more frequently to blog a bit more.
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