Just when you thought it was safe to blog...

You're not getting any old blog this time; no sir, or madam, or pan-dimensional unisex being!

I've got the computer back from Badger-face!

I know he promised that he'd write a two parter. But, let's face it, the guy is boring. He has no pizazz or panache! Now, me, on the other hand...

I have started to become more independent of the hairy guy. It all started when Mommy gave me some small, tasty treats that she called "puffs". I have now mastered the art of picking up these puffs and placing them in my mouth. They have this taste about them of blueberries one day, then sweet potato the next. It's like they are magical! I prefer the blueberry ones personally, but I take what I can get.

Mommy decided that she needed some "time off" this last weekend. Mostly, she needed to get away from Badger-face, and I can understand that. The guy does insist upon himself.

And he smells like bad meat or good cheese most of the time.

So, she and Aunt Sara M and Aunt Laura went to some place called Kirksville this weekend. Most importantly, Aunt Laura made for me some awesome hats! She made me a Viking helmet hat (for looting and pillaging the local thatched roof cottages), a purple strawberry hat (because everyone needs one), and a red devil horn hat (for when Judas Priest comes to town). This moves Aunt Laura up to the top of the Awesome Aunt list.

Your move, other Aunts...

The girls watched a movie called "Cabin Fever" the night before they left. I didn't get to see it, since I was asleep, but I think it is an ode to someone's love of pancakes. The next morning, once Daddy loaded up the car with what seemed like 400 crates of Mommy's "courage juice", we waved goodbye to the girls and began what Daddy called:

The Bachelor's weekend...

It began innocently enough. Daddy and I played around on the floor for a bit, and, in a related story, I'm now able to scooch along on the floor! This means that Doris is getting less and less use as I am now able to terrorize the dog on my own terms. That and explore every single nook and cranny in this entire house. It makes Mommy and Badger-face so pleased.

Anyway, then, the hairy guy then introduced me to the best show I've ever seen. (Yes, better than Battlestar Galactica.) It's about this guy that travels around the a big blue box and helps people. Now, while this may sound like he spiked my bottle with Dimetapp, he tells me that this show is called "Doctor Who". I watched quite a lot of those shows over the weekend since I am now sitting up on my own (another bid to escape him and his hirsute face), and it's a fun show! (he paid me a lot of blueberry puffs to say that. I might be a bit brainwashed.)

Now, he watched these shows by waving this wand around and pointing it at the TV. He did this frequently throughout the weekend. My favorite part of this was when he did this and the little man on the TV hit the ball with the stick. He told me that he was playing "golf", but he looked like a whale that had had a few rough weeks in the ocean and decided to beach himself in order to escape his creditors.

Once they got back and things started to return to what we call normal around here, my parents decided that it was hot enough to go to this place that has lots of water and people splashing around in it in not a lot of clothes. So, they put me into this weird suit that clings to me and this balloon that acts much like Doris. Except there were no dogs to attack.

Then, we got into the water. Oh, My, Goodness. This was the most amazing experience that I have had in my life. I splished. I splashed. It was similar to taking a bath, but without the soap or the nakedness. Then, two really awesome things happened.

We were in the area designated for little kids (I know this because there were nothing but other kids around us and their mommies, but none of them had an awesome floaty thingy. This might be the shallow end of the gene pool that daddy keeps talking about), when all of the sudden from out of nowhere, this green ball flies in and smacks Badger-face right in his... badger... face.

Now, I am above slap-stick humor. It is for the hoy palloy. Also, I love my daddy, no matter what I may say about him on here. But, in this instance, it was downright hysterical. Just, "POW!" right in the kisser. No warning, no nothing.

The second thing that happened was after we got out of the pool. We were drying off, and these two older kids were right next to us. They were horsing around and snapping towels at one another. Well, daddy was holding me on his left side and one of the kids hit him on his right side. Then something happened that changed my perception of Mommy forever.

She went into total Momma Bear Mode.

With a withering gaze and an icy voice, she told the kid, "if you hit my family again, we are going to have some problems." Now, I don't care if you are the toughest biker/bounty hunter/police officer/Army Ranger/Lone Ranger/Time Lord out there, if you get hit with that basilisk gaze and freezing tone, you will stop what you are doing, re-evaluate your relationship with your chosen deity (or, if you are a atheist, pick one to have a relationship with), and put your mother's phone number on speed dial, because you have looked into the face of your own mortality.

Needless to say, the kids backed off. And I learned a valuable lesson there: Don't mess with Mommy.